Dark Music: Electro - Underground - Film

I guess I’m lucky, even though right now I
don’t feel lucky.
But I know I’m back in the Uk for a reason, because my body, or my
feelings told me I MUST come back.
It’s like an overwhelming feeling that you must do something, but you
can’t quite decipher what is being said.
Like someone shouting something from far away in a storm, the words
will be washed away, but the core of the message remains.
So if you’re lucky you get these feelings, and you act upon them. If
you’re not your mind tells you to ignore them, even
though your mind is part of the key to reading the messages.
I’ve had a lot of these feelings the last few days, and some of them
aren’t good.
Music? I’m doing the right thing, making some new stuff, following my
feeling for the sounds, the mood.
Let them build the music, not me. Anytime I’ve tried to dictate to
much, you can hear the difference, so a lesson learned.
This is a difference most people can hear , some more than others sure,
but subconsciously maybe.
Many many records, the feeling is gone, just get out your average MOS
compilation and you’ll see what I mean.
Then compare it with something with real soul, the difference is stark.This is a big subject, but I have sounds to make and it’s always a long
process for me, so got to get to it…..

Some people can make an album in 24/48 hours, they can make a sound in
5 seconds,
know exactly what they want and how to get to it. This amazes me but
it’s just not how I can work.
I have learnt how to conjure sounds, about the waves, filters,
envelopes, this helps, but for me it is all different, I don’t how it
is for the rest of you out there.
Since I’ve got this overwhelming feeling that I must make a lot of new
evil electro soon, I’m starting the alchemy that is sound design again.
The “feeling” part is the but that drives it again.
I have a feeling to make some more in my bones, it’s important but I
don’t know why.
But I’ve learned to my cost about ignoring those feelings, since
they’re always Ghost led.

Even though I do write a scenario, a story with characters for many
tunes, my musical ideas are always a complete blank.
I have no ideas in my head, nothing, no sounds, no concept, zero. This
is scary.
It makes you feel like on your next tune you can’t do it anymore.

So to sounds, I have to search for the sounds, then my feelings (The
Ghost, will put down his Necronomicon and say ” Yeah, THAT’S the one,
bin the rest”) will tell me what to use. The sounds dictate what gets
conjured, they lead the way, not me.
Maybe it’s just me, but anytime I “forget” or “ignore” the feeling and
just produce, the magic vanishes…
So I don’t know about you, but for me this is wizardry, alchemy,
occultism rolled into one.

All powered by the volcanic uncontrolled energy of the evil blue
skinned one himself. That’s the music maker and dark maker who lives in
my head, The Ghost That Walks….

I have a real feeling of Deja Vu, of things
happening that I can’t control, but still happening because they’re
meant to.
Before I left China, and I did hang on there far longer than I should
have done, I had the overwhelming feeling that I must return here. It’s
proving to be right.
But what else is happening feels absolutely like a giant standing in my
way. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to help to keep
things moving forward, the Giant still stands. “You will not pass”.
I’m not an idiot, and I have learned to read this when it’s happening,
and right now it seems powerful.
More powerful than I can control, and all my might doesn’t even make
the giant flinch.
It’s like “this path is not for you”. Everything I have tried to do to
help my girl seems to be failing, and it only leads to one outcome. I
hope I am wrong, because that’s not what I want to happen.
It seems to be failing because maybe it’s supposed to.. and that just
makes me want to cry….
It’s lucky my music and the Ghost are here to take care of my dark
thoughts, as they always have and always will.
This is not what the Ghost wanted, and the giant Blue skinned one has
never wanted anything but the best for me, so he is feeling it too…Stay strong, even when times are hard, keep going…