Tag Archives: artist

The Fugitive Caught & Dragged Back To Abnormality

Something just cracked the other day, as realization dawned on me.
As the handcuffs were slapped back on, the straight jacket tightened and I’m
transported along that long and familiar road where the Ghost lives.
He’s waiting for me as usual, and despite his malevolence, always pleased to see me return. Since his home is my home.

That Dark asylum where he lives will ALWAYS be my home too.
What I came to realize was the sacrifice was made long ago, I just have been trying to fight it too much. The only thing in life for me are the dark tones.
There is unlikely to ever be room for anything else, and this is why this time I don’t struggle in the cuffs and the jacket. The choice has been made for you long ago, no need to fight it.

A normal life cannot coexist with this one and never could. However I try to escape it just comes back like a sledgehammer swung in a slow deliberate circle before it slams into my chest. It’s a juggle I can’t perform, a distraction I don’t need. The eyes need to focus like lazers on the goal. The dark, the electro, the tones. No mercy.

So my vision of growing old alone, but being content about that, was true.
It’s what I was meant to do, the fact that success is shaking my hand at this late stage tells you loud and clear. Only maybe just maybe one can unlock the other, but the two, the family man and the dark artist, cannot work together.
So accept my fate, because if you gave me a choice, I know which one I would always choose. No hesitation.
It’s why I came back from China, my instinct screamed at me to, it was right.
It’s why I quit jobs or leave girlfriends, because only 1 thing matters.
It’s why strange things happen to pull people away from me, because they’re going to stop me from going down the path that already has my name on it.

So with a last look over my shoulder as the door swings shut,
I prepare for the task ahead, and I don’t regret the life I left behind, but I now know it was never for me. I accept the life that lays ahead and I’m content with that. It’s where I have always wanted to be, I just tried to escape it.

The Ghost That Walks

All or Nothing…Music or Life without Meaning

There are so many times I feel like I’m working for nothing.
I am always a whisker away from leaving China behind and finding a basic job back in the U.K.
I have to look at things in a practical way. Music is my absolute top priority, if I don’t do that I’m not interested in life or anything else.
So it’s not a choice, if you’re built this way you’d better realise you can’t run away from it.

So I do what I can with the resources I have, I’m used to that.
But when you can’t even send out a CD or purchase a list of contacts, it starts to feel like what’s the point of here?
I’m absolutely ruthless like that, if things don’t move soon I must ( and will) change them.
If you’re serious about music you can never rest, get comfortable, it is this way for you till the day you DIE.

So I’m always looking for new ways to open doors, always looking at what I’m doing, if it’s working, am I making progress.
My feet are on the ground , so headway must be realistic towards a realistic goal.
I’d like to do film to start to generate a reasonable income, and help push back into releasing on record labels as well as my own label again.

I may not be geared for the dancefloor market, but the listening market could always be good for me.
Things aren’t the way they used to be, people rarely get to listen to demos anymore, and if you’re not known getting known is the kind of bulls*it attitude I have to face even in China. But funds are required to push open doors, and if things don’t change very soon, I have to look at returning home.
At least there a basic job can provide enough to help feed the music…

But here I seem to work for nothing, sending a CD out is a rare thing, pushing for anything else here is non existent.
Funds dictate, but the promise of big cash seems stale, plus I have to count time lost that could have been back in a dull job in the Uk.
But still I would have been able to push more, so I’m behind, and that’s not good since time for me is precious.

When my music is being held back then any day job is in dangerous territory, it will have to change and FAST.
I will give it a few more months, as there is potential, but the return must be great, since The Ghost has a plan and it requires feeding…

Stay strong and don’t ever give up on what you want to do, quitting is what other people do.. So screw them.
Money doesn’t buy you happiness , it’s your landmark achievements that are priceless and timeless.
What do you want as your legacy? On your gravestone? He made lots of money and was empty? Or he was an artist admired the world over…

You already know which you would choose… Maybe you have already chosen, there is no help from me for those that take the wrong path, you are on your own, just like the rest of us. I just wish people were less divided in music, just so insecure and “I don’t know you so I don’t deal with you” kind of attitude.

More next time, tired and brooding over my next change in step…

The Ghost Walks with You…