Tag Archives: fate

The Ghost Meddles With Tarot Cards Once More

Will I ever learn to leave dark forces alone? Not likely….

Another tarot reading with the celtic cross, to see where music is going to take me in the future. Looks pretty good, but as always pretty tough to get there, lots of obstacles.

Looks like I will be suffering for my art, as per usual.
The celtic cross is about the past, the recent pass, the near future, what your options are, any obstacles. It also tells you what the atmosphere is from your point of view, and how others see the situation.

Lastly, hopes and fears, and the likely outcome. As always , you are the master of your own destiny, and can change and alter anything and everything in life.

The Fugitive Caught & Dragged Back To Abnormality

Something just cracked the other day, as realization dawned on me.
As the handcuffs were slapped back on, the straight jacket tightened and I’m
transported along that long and familiar road where the Ghost lives.
He’s waiting for me as usual, and despite his malevolence, always pleased to see me return. Since his home is my home.

That Dark asylum where he lives will ALWAYS be my home too.
What I came to realize was the sacrifice was made long ago, I just have been trying to fight it too much. The only thing in life for me are the dark tones.
There is unlikely to ever be room for anything else, and this is why this time I don’t struggle in the cuffs and the jacket. The choice has been made for you long ago, no need to fight it.

A normal life cannot coexist with this one and never could. However I try to escape it just comes back like a sledgehammer swung in a slow deliberate circle before it slams into my chest. It’s a juggle I can’t perform, a distraction I don’t need. The eyes need to focus like lazers on the goal. The dark, the electro, the tones. No mercy.

So my vision of growing old alone, but being content about that, was true.
It’s what I was meant to do, the fact that success is shaking my hand at this late stage tells you loud and clear. Only maybe just maybe one can unlock the other, but the two, the family man and the dark artist, cannot work together.
So accept my fate, because if you gave me a choice, I know which one I would always choose. No hesitation.
It’s why I came back from China, my instinct screamed at me to, it was right.
It’s why I quit jobs or leave girlfriends, because only 1 thing matters.
It’s why strange things happen to pull people away from me, because they’re going to stop me from going down the path that already has my name on it.

So with a last look over my shoulder as the door swings shut,
I prepare for the task ahead, and I don’t regret the life I left behind, but I now know it was never for me. I accept the life that lays ahead and I’m content with that. It’s where I have always wanted to be, I just tried to escape it.

The Ghost That Walks

Retreat To The Fallout Shelter

I’m a tough and resilient soul, even after
such a bombshell has been dropped upon me.
So for now I retreat into the bunker to weather the storm in life in
the way I always have done.
Music has been there for me no matter what, or more like The Ghost has
been there
no matter what. To have that malevolent being inside your head support
you when it counts makes you wonder. So back to the tones, after
exploring several ways of making music it has come back to the same
basic principle. I’m jealous of other people who can plan, have ideas,
I have none.
I pick the sounds from the way they make me FEEL, and the beats for the
same, the bassline, (if there is one) everything.
Now I understand this better it stops me from trying to do it like
others do.
If I look back all the best tracks are all about feel, and not about
thought.
I went through a period of thinking too much, and the tracks suffered,
and I wrote a lot less.
I worry now about not writing enough, and it’s fear of not being able
to do it anymore that does that.That’s just the fact that the mind is blank with no ideas, the sounds
lead the way not me.
Yet every time I let them speak the way they want I come up with
something.

Back to the Retreat into the Bunker. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m
just meant to sacrifice my whole life for this. No matter what i try or
do, it seems like I’m not meant to change the course of it. That only
tells me that this must be more important than just me.
Maybe it’s about bringing real music again to peoples ears and having
an impact on their lives,
that is the price that someone has decided I must pay.

I fought this for many years, even tried to quit once, but like a
cancer it comes crawling back into your veins. It will never ever leave
you so you may as well give into it.
But now with a broken acceptance I just realize that for the greater
good way beyond myself,
this is what my life is for. Maybe the 2.4 kids, family etc will never
come my way.
I accept this now and I sort of see myself in the future, years from
now, old and grey.
That the pleasure I brought to people by giving them music with real
soul, was the family I
never had. That makes me feel happy and brings a tear to my eye.

I accept this now, and whatever else fate may give me, I have to accept
that too.
You’ll have to excuse me I have a mission to complete….

Paul Bishop
The Ghost That Walks