Something just cracked the other day, as realization dawned on me.
As the handcuffs were slapped back on, the straight jacket tightened and I’m
transported along that long and familiar road where the Ghost lives.
He’s waiting for me as usual, and despite his malevolence, always pleased to see me return. Since his home is my home.
That Dark asylum where he lives will ALWAYS be my home too.
What I came to realize was the sacrifice was made long ago, I just have been trying to fight it too much. The only thing in life for me are the dark tones.
There is unlikely to ever be room for anything else, and this is why this time I don’t struggle in the cuffs and the jacket. The choice has been made for you long ago, no need to fight it.
A normal life cannot coexist with this one and never could. However I try to escape it just comes back like a sledgehammer swung in a slow deliberate circle before it slams into my chest. It’s a juggle I can’t perform, a distraction I don’t need. The eyes need to focus like lazers on the goal. The dark, the electro, the tones. No mercy.
So my vision of growing old alone, but being content about that, was true.
It’s what I was meant to do, the fact that success is shaking my hand at this late stage tells you loud and clear. Only maybe just maybe one can unlock the other, but the two, the family man and the dark artist, cannot work together.
So accept my fate, because if you gave me a choice, I know which one I would always choose. No hesitation.
It’s why I came back from China, my instinct screamed at me to, it was right.
It’s why I quit jobs or leave girlfriends, because only 1 thing matters.
It’s why strange things happen to pull people away from me, because they’re going to stop me from going down the path that already has my name on it.
So with a last look over my shoulder as the door swings shut,
I prepare for the task ahead, and I don’t regret the life I left behind, but I now know it was never for me. I accept the life that lays ahead and I’m content with that. It’s where I have always wanted to be, I just tried to escape it.
The Ghost That Walks